Is Chivalry Dead?

I am all about equal rights for women and avoiding placing gender roles on people. At the same time I was always so appreciative of both young and old men giving up their seats for me and Dewi on the bus, letting me get on the bus first even though they had been waiting at the stop much longer than me, or holding the elevator doors open for me. I miss those days. As much as I love Singapore, I find that these little acts of chivalry and consideration are rare in my new city. Crowds of able-bodied people who are able to use the escalators bum rush the elevators so that there is no more room for us and the stroller. Women and men alike rush past us and push us out of the way so that they can get onto the train first, while we struggle to get the stroller over the gap and in the door before the train takes off.  People pretend to be asleep on the train so that they don't have to give the reserved seats (reserved for elderly, parents with children, and pregnant women) up for us. As clean and beautiful as everything is here, I really wish that chivalry would find its way here. In the meantime, we will continue shoulder checking those who dare get in Dewi's way.

Singapore Playdates

Dewi and I have started getting out to meet mommies and babies in the area. Fortunately we found a mommies and babies meetup group close to us in the west coast area. Our outings have generally been a short bus ride away. In Singapore, it is required that parents take their babies out of the "pram", fold the pram, and keep it folded during the ride. That's a lot of work when you have a baby and at least one bag to carry. When we go on outings as a family, taking Dewi out of the stroller before we get on the bus is no problem. I have found that when it's just me and Dewi, strapping her into the Ergo is much easier for our outings. Since Dewi is getting bigger by the day, lugging a 20+ lb. baby all day is quite a workout. Both of us usually have blobs of sweat on our shirts by the time we get to our destination.

So far we have had a couple of outings/playdates at nearby West Coast Park, which is this amazing space right on the water. It is a huge park with several playgrounds that are sure to give Dewi hours of entertainment when she is older. Right now she is happy enough chilling on our picnic blanket (a parting gift from a Boat People SOS banquet many years ago), running her fingers through the sand in the playground area, and watching the bigger kids play on the playground. Right by the playground is the nicest McDonald's that I have ever seen. It has an outside patio area with chairs, tables, ponds, and ceiling fans that remind me of restaurants in Bali. Compared to the 5th Street McDonald's in DC that Derek and I often passed on the way to Derek's work or when I had to go to court, it is such a difference.

Dewi and I have also gotten together with a new friend and her baby at their condo, an MRT ride away. We attempted to hang out in the pool with the babes, but as always, the unexpected (rather, "expected", since it happens nearly everyday) Singaporean afternoon shower shortened our pool time. We still had a lot of fun, chatting and watching the babies play with each other. Even though Singaporean afternoons can be hot and humid, after hearing of the recent DC snowstorms and unfortunate power outages to friends' homes, I am grateful for our tropical weather. Especially since the NUS pool is just a short internal shuttle ride away.

You are confirmed (incl. 1 high chair) for Superbowl

That's a paraphrase of the reservation confirmation Karina forwarded to me this afternoon. It is awesome on several levels.

1) We've found a place showing the Super Bowl Monday morning here in Singapore

2) Our Super Bowl party will be breakfast at a place called Brewerkz

3) Dewi gets to partake in a Super Bowl party before her first birthday

I can hardly believe that my hometown team actually made it all the way to the Super Bowl this season. It was a little more difficult to follow the Pack during my years in DC, because the local airwaves were dedicated to Redskins mediocrity. But I've been a dedicated fan since the 3rd grade, and so I didn't give up on this season, even as they fell to 8-6 with two games to play, and I was in the process of packing up my life and relocating to the other side of the world. Since that time, they've won five straight games, and I've learned that through the magic of Skype, a webcam, and my dad's TV in Brown Deer, I can watch the games online (desperate times...)

Anyway, we quickly realized that out of the three of us, Dewi is the only one with Packer gear here, thanks to Uncle Greg's great find of a tiny Aaron Rodgers jersey. I give Karina credit for trying to figure out whether or not we'd have enough time to order something online for ourselves and get it delivered to Singapore before kickoff. I had some long sleeve shirts that just didn't make the cut since our average day time temp hovers in the 80s. At worst, we may just dig out some Brewers jerseys that we did bring along, so we can rep Wisconsin, and, by extension, the Pack. I don't get homesick very often, but without my Super Bowl breakfast to look forward to, Chinese New Year aside, I think next weekend would have been a long, sad weekend for me. So thank you, American-themed restaurant, satellite television, and 13 hour time difference, for converging in such a beautiful way. If Notre Dame makes it to a BCS Bowl next year, I will need to call on you again.

Don't take candy from strangers...

Here is a list of freebies that Dewi has gotten from strangers in Singapore, usually accepted while waiting for the bus or while riding the MRT:

1. Biscuit 

2. Honeydew

3. Jelly candy

4. Cough drop
5. Tangerine
6. Oreos

Taking a size 1 in the face

Sharing a bedroom with Dewi involves compromises. By compromise, I mean we will do whatever it takes to get her back to sleep if she wakes in the middle of the night. We've already stopped setting an alarm because she rises, literally, at 6:15, as regular as the sun. I usually hear her stir and babble to herself around 6, but by 6:15 she stands up, peers over the top of her pack & play, and giggles/whispers "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." One morning she managed to find my toes poking out and tickled them-- that's a way to startle Daddy in the morning.

This week, though, she's either having an unusually tough time sleeping through the night, or she's finally realized that if she gets up at 3am, that means she gets to cuddle with Mama and Daddy for a few hours. Not that she's much for cuddling. We usually spend at least 30 minutes helping her find a comfortable position. Last night it was my armpit. The tossing and turning is usually interspersed with some attempts to stand up and play with the lamp or anything else not quite within arm's reach. At some point, Karina will have Dewi lay down on top of her chest and will sing to her. That soothes her, but typically she'll then slither her body onto the bed, turn sideways, and lay her feet up on my face.

Now, little baby feet are super cute, but when they're cracking your larynx at 3:30 in the morning, or you take a chubby little heel in the eye socket, they're a little less precious. Dewi likes to slam her feet down as she's falling asleep. Something about the repetitive motion, I think, and it doesn't hurt a crib mattress but it does hurt Daddy's face. So I've got to coax our little angel into a different position without stirring her too much lest she think we're going to wake up and play.

Most mornings we wake up and she's curled up on her side, back to me, facing Karina, clutching her Taggie. No one really quite knows when she falls asleep, but inevitably she does, and wakes us up again at 6:15 so we can start our day. And so every night, we slink in to the room at 10:30 or 11, being careful not to wake her, and hoping that we won't see that little mop of black hair pop up before the sun does.

Dewi Outings

Practicing to be a gymnast on the bus

On a stroller walk

Swimming at the NUS pool

Photo Shoot

Two nights ago, Derek took a headshot of me while I stood against our pale beige walls. While applying for jobs in Singapore, I found that many of the postings require me to submit my photograph along with the usual CV and cover letter. I searched through my archive of recent photos and realized that I have spent the past 11 months taking pictures of Dewi. The only pictures of me that I did find were those with me sporting a ponytail and PJ's. In the end, I ended up cropping out Dewi out of a decent picture that she and I took together when my hair was actually down and I didn't look like a high school student. Hopefully my "glamour shot" will help me in my job search. And I promise, these are for legit jobs!

Say "ahhh"

I was living in China during the SARS outbreak of 2003. I had to take my temperature every morning and report it, along with my fellow teachers, to our office leader-- any hint of a fever would have meant mandatory quarantining. For a week or two we were bussed directly from our homes to work and back, and not able to travel elsewhere. Red banners were unfurled, urging us to remain vigilant and safe as we collectively fought off SARS (or something like that).

Flash forward almost eight years and I again find myself in a part of the world where exotic viruses are bred. Singapore does not take this lightly. Flu.gov.sg is the Singapore government's online hub for up to date information on the threat level (color-coded like U.S. DHS's terrorist threat level), methods of prevention, and lyrics to a song about thorough handwashing.

Earlier this week, I received an e-mail alerting me that the following day we would be required to participate in a "temperature taking exercise." Luckily, I'd already been issued a digital thermometer as part of my school registration package, so there could be no complaining that I was not equipped. When I got back to my apartment, there was a sign by the elevator conveying the same information, that all residents in our complex were to take and report their temperatures by 10am the next morning. It was part of the campus's (and the Ministry of Health's) readiness campaign.

The morning of, before we strolled out for our breakfast routine of little pastries and Kopi-O, I made sure we were compliant. What's three minutes out of our day, to help fight a possible flu pandemic? I jotted down our temperatures (all three of us were under 37 degrees centigrade, even when adding a half degree to Dewi's since we took it under her arm rather than, you know, the most accurate way...). All I needed to do was log on to a dedicated site to report our results. Except the site didn't work.

So now what? Since I've become a student, I've been issued new usernames, passwords, and pins, all with different purposes, to be used in different combinations, some of which I was able to change and others which cannot be altered. Was I using the wrong combinations? No permutation was working. So there must be, as a backup, a number I can call or an office I can e-mail results. Um, no. Our instructions only mentioned the website, the site itself offers no instructions, and the school's webpages on health and wellbeing, disaster preparedness, etc. all direct you to the non-functioning website. Crap.

The last thing I want to do in a country where compliance is not just appreciated but expected is to fail on my first real test. All I could think to do was e-mail the IT department, and 1) alert them that the site was not working and 2) at least let SOMEONE affiliated with the university know that I was being responsible, and that the 3 Vollmers living in Prince George's Park were showing no signs of a fever that morning.

Later that afternoon, I did receive a brief response from IT, informing me that the exercise for that morning was canceled because of the problem with the reporting site. Luckily this was just a drill, because it seems we are not quite ready for prime time.

Putting the Boxes Away

This week was our first "real" week. Last week felt like a vacation. Derek hadn't started class/work yet, we were still exploring our new city, and we were still living out of the same suitcases that we left D.C. with. Today we are breaking down 8 boxes of our personal goods that finally made its way to Singapore. We are finally settling in...

School started for Derek this past Monday. Dewi and I said goodbye to Derek in the morn, and...stared at each other. Not that I hadn't spent any time with Dewi at home by myself before, but those days were usually limited to the Fridays that I had off from work (since I worked an 80% schedule after the Wi was born), or when Dewi was sick and had to stay home from the nanny-share. This time it was different. It was the start of me and Dewi during the weekdays until I can find a job. Since Dewi naps about twice a day, there was only so much trekking around town that we could do. We had to make our trips somewhat short and sweet. Plus, I am still getting used to the idea of transporting her on the buses by myself with all her gear (any possible combination of stroller, ergo, and diaper bag). Though Singapore's public transportation system is awesome and most of the city is stroller friendly, there have been times when Derek and I stare at escalators or stairs with no elevators (or lifts as they like to call them here) or ramps in sight.

Usually on Dewi Fridays in D.C.., Wi and I would go on playdates or meet up with friends for lunch. Since we barely know anyone here, let alone ones with kids her age- we had to create our own itinerary.

So we came up with a couple of activities:

1. Stroll through PGP- Our on-campus apartment complex is quite big with many buildings (a.k.a. blocks) a mini-mart, and three food joints (2 with A.C.- thanks be to God). To traverse from our building to the other end of PGP and back, then behind the building and back, that occupies about 20 minutes. It's decent exercise for me, and Wi loves staring at people and trying to get them to smile at her back. If she doesn't get a response, she starts babbling at them, so most of the time she gets a response. Wi also loves the fountain behind the buildings. It makes her giggle.

2. Meet Derek for lunch on campus- The internal shuttle bus at NUS is quite awesome. It comes pretty frequently and takes you all over campus. The terminal is right in front of our apartment complex. There are also close to 37,000 students who go to NUS (most are at this campus), so sometimes the shuttles get a little crowded. Once in awhile, the students are nice enough to give up their seats for us. This rarely happens on the MRT, by the way. People just pretend they're asleep when they see us with the baby. Our favorite on campus food source so far is the Yusof Ishak House. There are food courts all over campus but the YIH is awesome because it is partially air-conditioned, and it has awesome and cheap food. My favorite find the other day was a refreshing es kacang. On a hot hot day, the es kacang is a wonderful treat to enjoy. Goodbye skinny cows and yogenfruz. Hello, shaven iced drinks with artificial fruits and beans.

3. Visit potential daycares- It really doesn't feel like that long ago that Derek and I toured the many federal government daycares in D.C. At the time we had no idea that we would be moving to Singapore. So, three months before Wi's due date, Derek and I visited a couple of them: Department of Labor's, IDB's, GAO's, FERC's, the list goes on and on...now, about a year later, we are looking at daycares again. I figure that since I'm currently not working and have the free time, we should start looking at our options now. Especially since in D.C. the waiting lists for daycares are anywhere from 1-2 years, or so they say. I had no clue whether it was the same situation here. First, Wi and I went to the daycare that's right on NUS's campus. We walked in and both fell in love. Wi's eyes got even bigger than they already are as she stared fondly at the kids and all the fun activities they got to do. I was pleased to hear that that daycare did not have a ridiculous waiting list. The second daycare that we visited did not give me a good feeling at all. First, the Center Director wasn't even there for our appointment (even though it was she who suggested the time and date) and didn't tell any of her staff that we were coming for a tour. Second, there were kids and babies screaming and crying in every corner, and caregivers who seemed like they could give two shits about all the hoopla. I threw away the brochures as soon as we exited the building.

4. Buy baby stuff- On Friday, Wi and I braved the buses and headed out on our first off-campus outing without Derek. We had no choice as we had run out of her formula. I strapped her in the ergo and off we went, back to West Coast Plaza, where I knew we could find a grocery store. The trip there and back was so easy. Because I had found this ninja route behind our apartment buildings to a pretty good bus thoroughfare, all we had to do was take one public bus to get to the mall. It took us no time at all, and we took the free mall shuttle bus straight to campus on the way back. Lovely! Pretty sure we'll grocery shop there often. Speaking of grocery shopping, what's up with the disposable underwear that they sell at the stores? I saw it at both Cold Storage and at 7-11. I don't get it.

There were other random things that happened this week, like Derek's email from NUS about the pandemic flu temperature-taking exercise, but I'll let him write about that one. Now off to stream Modern Family.

First Singaporean Weekend

After spending all week running errands all over Singapore, we had our first lovely Singaporean weekend. On Saturday, we met up with my cousin, Yoke, and her family in the Orchard Road area. After lunch at Ajisen Ramen, we continued our hunt for a shower curtain and blanket. Derek and I had been searching high and low for a shower curtain all week. Either people decide to not bother and just have a very wet and slippery bathroom, or all the students nabbed them before we did. We finally found one at Takashimaya, one of the greatest department stores in Singapore. On our way to hunt for an Old Chang Kee, I had my first King's Ice Cream. The first time I heard of this Singaporean ice cream sandwich, was from an episode of the Amazing Race. The road block that the teams had to complete was to make and sell these ice cream sandwiches. It looked so good on TV and was just as delicious in person. One can choose to have their ice cream sandwiched by bread or waffles (and by waffles they really mean wafers). To Yoke's delight, we finally found the Old Chang Kee in the basement of a new mall in Singapore called Ion. Old Chang Kee carries lots of great fried snacks, including fried fish balls. Lucky for us, there we have a stall right on the NUS campus.

Meeting up with Yoke, Steven (Yoke's husband), and Sean (their 2.5 year old son) reminded me of one of the many reasons why we felt that Singapore would be a great new home for us. Since all of my extended family live close by in Jakarta, being in Singapore would allow us to have the unique opportunity to spend more time with my family for a few years. Between my mom's and dad's sides of the family, I have 21 cousins in all. And now many of my cousins have little ones that Dewi can hang out with. Next month, we already have our first trip to Jakarta planned for one of Derek's school holidays. We will be there to celebrate both Dewi's first and my 31st birthdays!

We finished off the weekend by having lunch on Sunday with my friend, Ikem, and his family. I met Ikem many years ago through some family friends in DC. Ikem lives in Singapore with his lovely wife and daughter. They were gracious enough to take us to lunch at an amazing seafood restaurant in the complex where the Singapore Flyer is located. We were introduced to creamy crab, which was absolutely delicious. The sauce for the crab came a close second to my favorite Indonesian crab dish, kepiting saus padang (crab with Padang sauce). One of these days we'll have to go for a spin on the Singapore flyer. 

Derek's first day of school was yesterday. Though he hasn't started class yet, we are now getting used to a different rhythm of our days: where Derek is on campus most of the day and Wi and I are hanging out in the apartment and/or getting to know our new city.

Out and About

Downtown Singapore

Sean, Steven, and Dewi

Clarke Quay

King's Ice Cream time

Ion Center

With my cousin, Yoke

On-Campus Housing: Our Apartment Complex

View from our patio

Harbourfront view

Our very own Stead Park

Our building

Koi pond behind our building

Stu-stu-studio... oh no!

One week ago we thought we would be moving into a studio apartment on campus. That was not the plan, mind you, as I'd applied for the largest apartment available to graduate students, which is a 1 bedroom. We'd been mentally preparing to downsize to a single bedroom for the three of us, and strategizing on how we'd best manage sleeping in one room. We did it for the first four months of Dewi's life, so what's another four months, right?

Well, when we received confirmation on our housing for the semester, back in early December, the offer was for a studio apartment. And I was devastated. I've roped my wife and daughter into this little adventure, and, guess what, the only privacy we'll ever have is when we shut the bathroom door! I know that families make it work in cramped quarters. In fact, the grad student apartments here (studios and 1 bedrooms) are set aside for families of up to 4 members. I don't care how well behaved one's children are-- that's a lot going on in just a few hundred square feet. But people do it. The "limits" on room sharing for public housing is something like 3 people per bedroom. I was in a one-room, four person quad my freshman year, but we're talking about shoebox-sized bedrooms here in Singapore.

From the sounds of it, kids here spend most of their time running around outside anyway, so maybe that's part of the solution. We're eleven floors up, but with every window in the apartment constantly open, we catch almost every yelp and squeal from the playground below. Oh, and the amphitheater outside. That was an interesting choice on the part of the architects. I don't know if we'll be treated to any organized performances in the amphitheater, but the little kids have figured out physics and acoustics pretty quickly. Karina and I check on Dewi (unnecessarily) a couple of times each day when we swear that it's her crying, only to see a silent, sweaty little cherub sleeping on her tummy. With 200 apartments full of young families, there's a chorus of cries and giggles around here all day into the night.

But back to the studio. Karina and I convinced ourselves that we could manage to live with Dewi in a studio for the semester. I was told that all the 1 bedrooms (which are only 25% of the apartments) had been allocated. My pleading was not going to get us anywhere. But I made one final effort, and shortly before we left, I received word that a 1 bedroom was available and that my offer would be adjusted accordingly. Suddenly, having a bedroom and a little extra square footage sounded extravagant! Now that we're moved in, we realize that we still have to be creative with how we use the space, to make it feel like our home. And by home, I mean Dewi's personal playground.

Our First Outing: Vivocity

We had all intentions of hitting up Ikea Singapore on our first full day (shower curtain, floor mats, dishes, etc) but all 3 of us were so jet lagged that much of the day was spent napping, playing Angry Birds (thanks a lot for getting us hooked, Kevin and June!), and making runs to the PGP food courts.

This morning, we finally got ourselves out of the NUS compound and headed to  one of Singapore's great malls: Vivocity. After much online research (for those of you who know me well, you know I'm all about the economy of motion) I decided that Vivocity would be able to help us with many of the things that were on our initial to-do list: banks, phone stores, baby stores, toy stores, houseware stores, and food courts. And if one doesn't find everything that they would need and want at Vivocity, not to worry because right next door is the Harbourfront Centre, which also has banks, phone stores, baby stores, toy stores, houseware stores, and food courts. Hey, one can never have too many options when it comes to goods.

Our wonderfully productive morning taught us some lovely things about Singapore: 

1. Taxi rides are much more costly during peak hours. Though cabs are quite cheap to take,  avoiding going during peak hours can save you at least a couple Singapore dollars since cabs charge a peak fare increase for rides during rush hour. Such a smart idea! 

2. Kaya toast is an amazing invention. Last night we had a kaya waffle from our local PGP Snack Bar (just steps away from our apartment). Both are delicious. I wish I had introduced kaya into my life earlier than now.

3. I'm not sure why I packed pots and pans in our shopping boxes. For one, our kitchen burners are as big as the Pottery Barn Kids' Play Kitchen. Second, we are surrounded by amazing food everywhere that is quite cheap. My favorite is the amazing Food Republic. It is filled with delicious culinary options from all over Asia, including one stand that will juice you your very own fresh dragonfruit and mango juice. Sometime this week, in the cool aftermath of an afternoon Singaporean rain shower, Derek promised me a trip to a real hawker center. Bring on the sweat! Too bad Angelo won't be preparing my hawker food of choice. 

4. The Giant store here is not like the Giant by our DC home on 9th and P. Instead, it is huge and carries food, housewares, furniture, shoes, floor mats, you name it, they have it. Our most important purchases there were our new cheesy house slippers and bolster pillows. 

Please take a closer look at my house slippers. At first glance you'd think it was strawberry themed, but upon detailed inspection it is actually watermelon-themed. And as for the bolster pillows (a.k.a. guling for my Indos), after 7 years of knowing me, I have convinced Derek that one's nightly slumber is never complete without your very own guling. Give it a try, your life will be forever changed.

Welcome Home

We're here! After 3 phases of traveling (Wisconsin with the Vollmers, California with the Kiranas, then Singapore), we have arrived. We arrived late last night after taking two flights: the first was from Los Angeles to Tokyo, then from Tokyo to Singapore. They were long flights but surprisingly went by faster than I thought it would. Dewi did great on both flights. She was a bit squirmy and restless on the first, but slept most of the second flight. I watched bits and pieces of a couple of movies (The Town was so good, now I just need to find out what happens at the end..., You Again was super cheesy, you can definitely wait until it is released on TBS), Derek and I drank lots of free wine (thank you, United Business Class!), and Dewi flashed her smile at every passenger that walked by her on the flight.

We checked into our new apartment this afternoon at National University of Singapore's Prince George's Park Residences. We are on the 11th floor of graduate student housing that has been  set aside for grad students with families. We look out to lots and lots of green and lush trees, a confirmation that I am back home in Asia. Our apartment is small and a bit run-down but fully functional. It definitely has that on-campus housing/dorm room feel. With a few trips to stores for some TLC and Vollmer touches, our one-bedroom will be a great new home for us. It is hot and humid out here, but surprisingly nice and cool on our floor. Regardless, Derek and Dewi both rocked it shirtless today.

Food-wise I'm happy to report that that we will be just fine. Derek already ventured out in the afternoon rainstorm to our nearest food court, right in the apartment complex where we are living. He came back very pleased with his purchases: 2 chicken platters (coconut curry & honey chicken), summer rolls, and 2 sodas, all for just 8 singapore dollars. We were also surprised to find an oven in our apartment, which is not that common in Singapore apartments from what we understand.

Both Derek and Wi are passed out right now, but I'm tempted to fight this jet lag and stay awake until a decent hour tonight. Stay tuned for pictures of our new home.